It’s late, I’m tired, I gotta finish an essay on Shakespeare. Funny thing, I actually like Shakespeare. But you know what I don’t like? Essays.
Anyways, enjoy the adventures and japes of E, Dr Hare, Dr Kitty and Harvey.
E: Ok, so… Hi viewers. We’re back.
Harvey: Does she always talk to the viewers?
Dr Hare: It’s a frequent occurrence.
E: Yeah… Listen, it’s E. I’m sorry for the delay, it took a little bit to get this, well, calm.
Dr Kitty: I calmed down after a bit!
Harvey: It just took a bit.
Dr Kitty: *pouts* Did not.
E: Yeah… It was interesting. Especially considering everyone except Harvey here, I mean the one from this dimension, tried to remove us from the area. Forcibly.
Dr Hare: I still have claw marks.
Dr Kitty: I’m sorry…
E: Which incidentally he should have let me wrap up, but he didn’t, so… Yeah.
Harvey: Yeah, he was pretty brave. I haven’t seen many people be able to stand up to Mad Kitty Doctor attack.
E: And he just stood in front of me and took it!
Dr Kitty: It wasn’t just me, the others flipped.
E: And then he did the exact same thing! You aren’t invincible…
Harvey: Charlotte with a weapon, fake or otherwise, is terrifying.
Dr Kitty: I still don’t know if that was real or not.
Dr Hare: It was real. I think. It was a little difficult to see at point blank.
E: At any rate! We’ve talked. Things are Ok, mostly. And to establish less confusion, we even came up with name tags. They’re simple, Harvey’s, from my universe says Hare, to avoid confusion, though I’m still gonna mess it up, then Harvey, from here, E and Kitty.
Dr Kitty: Do we really need to wear these?
E: … Nah. *throws them over her shoulder* Let’s go!
Luci: How nerd is this “Dr Kitty”? From 0 to Fizzson level (10)
Dr Kitty: I feel low key offended by this.
E: Don’t, nerds are awesome. For reference, Dr Hare here, he’s a good solid 9 and I’m a good 7.
Harvey: I think Kitty is an 8.
Dr Hare: I am not a 9.
Dr Hare: I’m at least a 9.5.
E: *giggles* My bad.
Dr Kitty: I want to be a point 5.
Luci to all: DOES ANYBODY SHED FUR
Dr Kitty: Not really… Occasionally I do.
Dr Hare: I don’t. Not really.
E: I do!
*everyone looks at her*
E: Dude. I’ve got 2 feet of hair, if not more. This is normal.
Luci: Why is it called Ask the Villains when none of you seem even close to a “villain”?
E: I can explain this… When the AtV, or Ask the Villains first started, Hare, Wid, Binary, James, and D were all villains. It’s been a bit. Things have changed. Now it’s just a bunch of lovely people who have been renamed and a 18 year old pixie who doesn’t want to change the name.
What do you do when you love someone that’s 4 yrs older than you and really has no idea you exist 😂😂😂😂
E: I honestly have no idea. To be bluntly and brutally honest, the only time I’ve had a crush who didn’t really know I existed was the biggest jerk in history of loser male cheerleaders.
Dr Kitty: Don’t insult the male cheerleaders.
E: Oh no, male cheerleaders are fine. But there is a faction of male cheerleaders, who are losers. He’s their leader.
Harvey: You think this through too much.
E: You’re telling me. As for the age difference… Well, I don’t know. Ya know who I like, there’s a similar age gap.
Dr Hare: You like someone?
E: Oh shoot. *she hides behind Dr Kitty* Hide me from my mistakes.
Dr Kitty: You crazy? Go own up to them, you pansy.
E: NO *runs off*
Harvey: … Well that’s a thing.
Dr Hare: What just happened?!
Dr Kitty: Heck if I know.
To DH: hoi! I’m temm-ok just kidding. How many pets do u have?
E: hOI!! i’M TEMmie! WelcUM 2, da TEM-
Dr Kitty: No.
Dr Hare: Well, we’ve got Pipsqueak… And now we’ve got a new bunny, so… 2.
Mia to all: Dude. My hecking back hurts right now. Woke up and found out I was sleeping on my 35-stick pack of gum.
E: You need to check before you crash, woman.
Dr Kitty: I can make no sense of this.
To Dr Hare: Has it been scientifically proven that a rabbit’s foot is good luck? Because if so, I have a chainsaw. Just kidding. My mom wouldn’t let me have a chainsaw.
Dr Hare: I’m feeling a little threatened here…
E: *shielding him from any nearby chainsaws* He needs his feet! No more hospital trips!
Dr Kitty: -_- The hay…
Harvey: You can’t even prove how lucky something is…
To Dr. Hare: I need your opinion. Would you rather be burned to death or drowned? I’m trying to kill off my MC, but I can’t decide between the two. But if you have a more creative idea, I’m all ears. (PUNS)
E: Ok, Heck no! *she hugs Dr Hare* This is my bunny, you don’t get to kill him!
Dr Hare: Ack! *falls over*
E: Holy shoot!
Dr Kitty: I have so many concerns… Also, go with drowning, it’s quicker and less painful, I guess.
Harvey: Or don’t kill them and be nice.
Dr Hare: E, please stop hugging me, I can’t get up.
Fizzson to Kitty: Wait, so… You don’t know about any of the AU stuff? o-o”
Dr Kitty: Not really… I’ve gotten a bit of a crash course tho.
E: That was Harvey, I’m rubbish at explaining.
Harvey: I didn’t do anything.
E: Shoot, Hare, I meant Hare. I give up on myself. *walks away*
Dr Hare: So, um… Yeah, nothing too complicated guys.
Arleen to Mordred: Oh. Are you a retired techie, then?
Mordred: No, I just haven’t made anything interesting. It’s been a bit dull.
Fizzson to all: So just randomly, some of these ruler villains wouldn’t happen to be, say… An art thief, jester-themed mad scientist, and a traitorous ex-head of a spy agency, would they?
Charlotte: Art thief is Robin. She’s a weird one.
Davie: Director C, got the spy one.
Charlotte: Dude, that’s you.
Mordred: Elyana was a mad scientist and a cyborg, but there was no jester theme.
Arleen to Kitty: Aw, darn. I thought with how chummy you and Harvey were being, you two might actually be a thing. Wishful thinking there, I guess.
Dr Kitty: What’s that supposed to mean? Listen, just because I really like him and because he’s nice and wonderful and kind and attractive and fun and sweet and has lovely blue eyes and perfect and stuff… That doesn’t mean we’re together. Besides, he deserves better than me. Just saying.
Trixie to Kitty: …Do you like to be pet?
Dr Kitty: … No.
Dr Kitty: I do not!
Harvey: You kinda do…
Dr Kitty: *pouts* Do not.
Harvey: *scratches behind her ears* Do too.
Dr Kitty: … Ok, fine… Maybe it’s alright…
Harvey: *smiles* Yeah, I know.
E: *grinning in background* Hehehehe…
Blonde Hair, Blue Wings to E: What do you like about Dr Hare?
E: Oh, um… I… Well, he’s kind. He’s caring, he’s fun, smart, cute, helpful and he seems to really care about me. *blushes* Uh… I mean… What? I don’t know what you’re talking about! We’re just friends.
To Dr Hare: What do you like about E?
Dr Hare: Easy. That she’s sweet, caring, funny, loving… She’s beautiful inside and out. I love her… And I can hope that maybe one day she’ll feel the same way.
To Dr Kitty: What do you like about Harvey?
Dr Kitty: I like that he’s, well, there. He’s always there, always wonderful, always caring, always amazing, always kind, always dependable, always sweet, always himself, no matter what’s going on. And himself is… Just about perfect. Not that we’ll ever be in a relationship though… All I can do is dream.
To Harvey: What do you like about Kitty?
Harvey: Oh! *turns red* She’s… She’s really just amazing. She’s smart, doesn’t care what other people think about her, that’s always nice… She acts aloof, but it’s obvious when she cares about someone. She cares about quite a few people though. She isn’t perfect, I know, but that’s kind of… Attractive, to be honest. She knows she has flaws, tries to make herself better every day. That’s really a lot of her… Oh, and she has such a fiery spirit… *blushes* Ok, moving on before I blabber forever.
To Charlotte: If you could, would you ask Mordred out? Like, unironically.
Charlotte: Hmm… I don’t know. Probably, he’s pretty cute. And nice. He’s a good guy, I could see it working out. Let me think on this.
To Mordred: Do you like Charlotte?
Mordred: … *turns red* Alright, so… Next Q please.
To Davie: Ooh, you have a gf? Pls tell us about her.
Davie: Um… She’s… She’s lovely. I can’t really tell you much about her, but… She’s awesome.
To Elarvey and Haritty: Aww, you guys are such cute couples! Yes, I know you aren’t couples. You just need to FIX THAT
E: *giggling* Haritty, kekekeke…
Dr Kitty: *bright red* Oh, shut up.
Harvey: *blushes* Anyways! Let’s move on now.
Dr Hare: Yeah…
E: Nah, we gotta answer this.
Dr Hare: You do know what we’re involved in this Q, right?
E: What do you- *stops* Oh.
Dr Kitty: FIX IT HOW
E: Get in a relationship with someone you’re in love with.
Dr Kitty: You’re one to talk!
E: Yes, yes I am. I’m a huge hypocrite, I know.
Dr Kitty: … Mmm! *she shoves E into Dr Hare* Just tell him, then you can tell me off!
Dr Hare: *catches her awkwardly* Whoa!
E: … I sort of deserved that, didn’t I?
Dr Kitty: *sits next to him, pouting* Hush. *leans against him*
Harvey: *bright red* Oh. I… Oh.
Charlotte: You’re all hopeless!
(She’s not wrong. -Editor LuckE)
To E: Who would you rather kiss? Dr Hare or Jelly Bean?
E: *turns red* Um, ok, first off, those are literally the same person… Oh… You did that on purpose. Thanks a lot buddy. The answer is irrelevant! I’m not going to… To do that. That’d be rude. I might be lovesick, but I do have limits. I’d at least ask.
Dr Kitty: Then go ask.
E: … No.
Dr Kitty: You are hopeless.
E: Am not.
To Dr Hare: So… You kissed E back yet?
Dr Hare: *blushes* Whoa! That… That whole ‘kiss’ doesn’t really… It wasn’t… That wasn’t a real kiss. It was an accident and I’m not going to… Well… Unless she… Never mind, this is hopeless.
To Harvey: Ooh, clearly you crushing on the kitty doc… So go tell her!
Harvey: NO. *turning pink* I’m not telling her, I… I just can’t. She… It’d be too embarrassing. I don’t think she even likes me that way… But… I’m just going to keep it to myself. I don’t want to push her.
To Dr Kitty: Yet? So you like him! Kitty likes Harvey! She loooooves him!
Dr Kitty: I got a textbook with your name on it! It’s a calculus one, it would straight up kill you.
E: Why do you have a calculus textbook?
Dr Kitty: It’s Harvey’s, he’s trying to graduate college. And… I use his stuff to threaten people. Geez, I’m pathetic.
E: No, you aren’t. Now, do you like your friend Harvey? Romantically?
Dr Kitty: I… Yes. I am.
E: Then why don’t you tell him?
Dr Kitty: Because… Because he’s too good for me.
Dr Kitty: I… Listen, I’m just not a good person, alright? I’m a terrible person, who’s done awful things.
E: Yeah, but-
Dr Kitty: There is no ‘yeah, but’ here! Let’s just hit the next Q, alright? I don’t want to talk about this.
E: Oh. Ok.
Dr Kitty: Sorry, I just…
E: Hey, it’s Ok. If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s Ok. I understand what that’s like. We’ll just move on.
Dr Kitty: I… Thanks E. That’s really nice of you.
E: No problem. *smiles*
To all: So… No Pop here?
E: That’s… My adopted son.
Dr Kitty: Why the hay do you have a son?
E: It’s a bit of a long story… But he’s an orphan and he doesn’t have anywhere to go. He’s 11 now, but… Yeah.
Dr Hare: Yeah…It’s a bit odd, but… Whatever.
Harvey: That’s… Kind of sweet.
Harvey: Yeah. Helping a kid with nowhere to go and no one to help him, that’s really good.
E: *a little surprised* Oh. Thank you.
Dr Kitty: I’m with him. You guys are good people.
E: *a little embarrassed now* Thanks…
To all again: Ok, if had a kid, what you name them?
E and Dr Kitty: Alexandria.
E: It’s a family name.
Dr Kitty: I just like it.
Dr Hare: Um… I got nothing.
To all again!: I dare you to hug someone who means a lot to you. Right now. Go.
E: *hugs Dr Hare* Dibs.
Dr Kitty: I hope you realize you’ve spent about 50 percent of this hugging him.
E: *sticks out her tongue*
Harvey: *hugs Kitty* Whatever works.
Dr Kitty: -_- Don’t encourage them.
One last to all: Ok, so some advice to someone who is painfully alone because of their own dumb decisions, stupid judgement and messed up… Self.
E: Ok, first off, I’m sure you didn’t mess up that bad. I don’t actually know who you are, you’re pretty new here… But you’ve got this, alright? You aren’t dumb, you aren’t stupid, you aren’t messed up. You got this.
Dr Kitty: Now go out there and punch life in the face.
Dr Kitty: Guys, I’m kidding. Geez, how violent do you think I am.
Luci to Dr. Kitty: I SHIP YOU AND HARVEY, YOU SASSY EMBARRASSED CAT. bring it, can’t hurt me with a textbook.
Dr Kitty: *blushes*S-shut up!
Harvey: *turns pink* Anyways…
E: *whispers* I ship it.
Dr Hare: Oh geez…
Dr Kitty: *groans* Ok, out.
Dr Kitty: Take those two, *gestures at E and Dr Hare* into the lab, show them around. I’m taking the question.
Harvey: Oh. Well, good luck.
Dr Kitty: Thank you, I’m going to need it.
*the others leave*
Dr Kitty: Alright, listen buddy. I don’t know who you are.You don’t know who I am. Well, Ok, you might have some idea of who I am. This has been up a bit. But I know. People think we should get together. I am so aware. And I would love to be with Harvey, that’d be wonderful. But it’d never work. *looks down* I… I know he has a crush on me. But… I’m hoping it’s just a puppy love thing, because… Well, look at me. I’m the worst. I’m a loser, a freak show, a psychopath… He needs someone better than me. He deserves someone better than me. That’s all I’m saying.
Luci: Words of the wise. **sent cat nip now.**
Dr Kitty: *groans* Oh no… Not again.
E: What’s happening?
Harvey: *pales* Oh goodness…
Dr Hare: *confused* No idea.
Harvey: Hold on a moment… *he looks through a small backpack, pulls a small stuffed animal out and tosses it to Dr Kitty*
Dr Kitty: Mine! *she dives after it*
Dr Hare: What just happened?
Harvey: She, um… Gets a bit hyper with catnip.
Dr Hare: You don’t say…
E: Should we do anything?
Harvey: She’ll calm down in a little bit. Sorry about this.
Dr Hare: It’s ok. And fairly understandable.
Dr Kitty: *pads back over and curls up on the couch next to Harvey, holding the toy* I got it. *she cuddles up to him*
Harvey: Good job El. *he scratches her ears absently*
E: *grins a little* Aw… That’s cute.
Dr Kitty: *mutters* Am not…
Harvey: She… Yeah, doesn’t like to be called that.
E: Sweet then. You two are sweet to each other.
Harvey: *blushes pink* W-what?!
E: You two would be a good couple. I’m… I’m not going to pretend that I’m an expert… Or anything close, I’m super bad at relationships…
Harvey: I… Oh.
Dr Hare: *turning red* E…
E: I’m just saying… Sorry. Too far?
Dr Hare: A little bit!
E: I wasn’t even talking about you.
Dr Hare: *sighs* E, they’re us. Think about it.
E: Wha- OH. *turns red*
Dr Kitty: You guys are weird.
Dr Hare: You aren’t wrong….
Dr Kitty: Nope! *she starts purring contentedly*
Harvey: I told you.
E: I think it’s awesome.
E: Well, I guess that’s all.
Dr Kitty: Good. Ugh, I’m on such a ‘nip crash… I hate these… *stumbles off*
Harvey: Well… She’s going to have to sleep that off. Sorry, that’s sort of a lame end.
Dr Hare: It’s Ok, happens to the best of us.
E: Take care of her, will you?
Harvey: *smiles a little* I try to. Usually she ends up taking care of me.
Dr Hare: I know that feeling.
E: Listen, I’ve got an idea. *she pulls a scrap of paper from her pocket, writes something on it, then hands it to Harvey* My phone number. Give it to Kitty. Call us if you need anything, Ok? If we get Qs for you guys, we’ll send em your way.
Harvey: Oh. Thank you. *smiles* I hope we get to see you guys again.
E: Me too. We’d better get back… Harvey- I mean Hare, is it recharged?
Dr Hare: Yeah. We’d better go. You’ve missed enough school as it is.
E: *sighs* I haven’t missed school in the slightest.
Harvey: *grins* I know what that’s like.
E: Well, good luck.
Harvey: You too!
*Dr Hare opens up a portal and they hop through, back to Earth 442, in the Villain’s apartment.*
E: Phew! Good to be back.
Dr Hare: Well, that was… Educational.
E: To say the least… Oof, I’m exhausted… That took more out of me than it should have.
Dr Hare: Are you Ok?
E: I dunno… I was feeling fine until you made the jump… Now I’m getting this stabbing headache… *sits down abruptly, holding her head* Ow.
Dr Hare: E, maybe we should call a doctor or something.
E: I’m fine, I fine… Imma lie down. *she collapses*
Dr Hare: E! *catching her before she can fall off the couch*
Black Widow: *from the doorway* The h**l is going on?! It’s 3 in the morning!
Dr Hare: Well, E just collapsed for no reason, as far as I can tell, we just got back and there’s an awful lot of confusion here!
Black Widow: Oh. Geez, um….
Dr Hare: I think we need to call a doctor.
Black Widow: You’re a doctor!
Dr Hare: I’m not a medical doctor! Binary is!
Black Widow: I’ll go get him. *hurries off*
Dr Hare: *hugging E* It’s going to be Ok E… It’s going to be alright… I promise….
Yeah, that wasn’t dramatic at all. I’ll write up the next installment, it should be out Wednesday. Wish me luck. You can send Qs to anyone at this point, you just pick. I’m going to bed, good night.